Have you ever thought about fostering?
Are your emotions and worries holding you back?
Have you ever asked, “How do you give them up? … Don’t you fall in love with your foster pet?”
Gillian Barth in Indiana illustrates that course of emotions, and our comminity was there every step of the way. Gillian reached out to our Facebook support group “Foster Forum” in November, when she brought home Jolene from Natalie’s Second Chance Rescue. With our 2,500+ Forum members, all bringing their own experiences and advice to the conversation, these challenges are met with comfort and compassion. See how this foster journey plays out, in four parts between November 2021 and January 2022.
You’ll want to read the whole thing.
This is what fostering is all about.
Advice from our Foster Forum members:
“Crating with good chew toys or frozen kongs. Give the meds they give you. Too active means possible hernia or broken stitches and a more painful recovery. Trust me, she’s not the first active dog that’s had to stay low key for a few days.”
“You can mention this to the vet snd see if they can give you a sedative or painkiller with a sedative effect. If they don’t then melatonin and or cbd (combined can have a better effect)will help take some of her energy. Along with that def what folks said above with a frozen kong, puzzle toys, etc. do any meal out of a dispensing toy or snuffle mat. Brain exercise works just as well as physical exercise sometimes.”
“Crate and cone. We had our very active lab spayed this past summer and needed to keep her calm and relaxed so she wouldn’t hurt herself. We made sure she had a lot of things to chew and keep her busy.”
“Instead of a cone, get those onsies. My lab ripped the cone the same day!”
“Try and take her for slow walks in the dark when there are minimal distractions. A normal walk (around the block) without jumping or meeting other dogs is ok activity especially after the first day.”
Gillian’s update after getting responses: “Thank you so much everyone! We're on day 3 and doing way better than expected. I think the tramadol helps, since it seems to make her a bit sleepy. She's very excited about her frozen Kong and also a couple new busy toys we picked up.”
“I am there now we have Tina and I’m gonna miss her so much but I keep telling myself that her story doesn’t end with us. We are just part of her story. Mind you I’ve finally convinced my wife to foster fail with one of the puppies, so it’s a little easier for me to say.”
“It is hard but remember that once you fill up the space in your home, you can't keep helping other animals. By adopting them out you get to help her and you make room for the next animal that needs help. I foster failed one but the max I have space for is 2 so if I fail another then I'm done fostering. I'm not ready to stop helping animals so that helps me know that it's not time to fail another.”
“A foster dog being adopted means there’s a spot for another dog to be fostered. It’s tough at first, but it gets easier!”
“It’s definitely hard giving up a foster dog that I’ve really bonded with. When I look back at all the dogs I placed in loving homes I’m happy that I had the chance to help more animals and had I adopted the one then the dogs that came after i wouldn’t have been able to help”
“I just remind myself that this is what I signed up for and it's about what is best for the dog. Plus, some adopters are really good about keeping in touch and sending updates. My 21st foster just went to her forever home last week and I've already received the cutest photos of her playing and cuddling with her new family and curled up in the most comfortable looking doggy bed I've ever seen! She's doing great and I am so happy for her. I even follow a couple of my former fosters on social media. It is hard to say goodbye, but seeing how loved and spoiled they are in their new home makes it so much easier. And, as others have mentioned, now I am available to help the next one!”
“My only advice is to just get another foster directly after to get your mind off of it. It will remind you that there's so many that need help and you're doing the right thing”
“My senior foster dog was on death row when I took him in, he got adopted yesterday...I thought he would be with us the rest of his life...letting him go was so hard!”
“Oh I know I cried but if I didn’t find them a loving home I couldn’t move on to give another a chance. That’s the only way I could let go. I had some beauties could have kept them all.”
“I feel you, my first foster was a fail. But I committed to fostering more animals. Since 2006 I have fostered over 100 dogs and about 15 cats and have assisted in over 300 adoptions. I think of it as they are getting an incredible home and now I can help another one come off the streets or out of the shelter.”
“Keep the doggo get rid of the partner.”
Gillian also shares, “I think every foster parent feels this way on some level. We make the first real bond with them after trauma, and we see how much that bond helps them grow. Then we have to deliberately sever that bond, acknowledging that it will be hard for them short term but hoping that long term, they will thrive.
After I put my foster girl in her new mom's car and said goodbye, I cried. I felt sad and guilty whenever I thought of her. I've been extremely lucky to visit her twice now. The first time (three weeks after adoption), she was ecstatic to see me. She spent the whole time sitting on or next to me. When I got my coat to leave, she immediately wanted to come with. I went back for a second visit two days ago, and I could tell the dynamic had shifted. She was over the moon to see me, but after sitting with me for a bit, she went to play with her sister. Then she came back, but went to sit with her new mom. She spent most of the visit playing, and when I got my coat on, she checked in with me and then went back to her sister. On the first visit it felt like she was anxiously attached to me, but only a week later she seemed secure in her new family. I feel at peace with letting her go now, because I could see her thriving. It's so hard to let them go when you don't have the opportunity to see that they're really ok, but this experience has helped me trust that they move on and find joy and a secure bond with their new owners. It's never going to be easy, but seeing how well the transition went has helped me so much.”
“What a terrific example! I wish it could be shared with every first time foster. It’s been a long time, but I still remember how hard it was first time around.”
“I love this so much! Sometimes we need the little reminder that even though letting go is hard, it can be really beautiful too. You have touched so many lives in letting Jolene join this incredible family. I’m so happy you’ll get updates, too. Congratulations”
“So happy for you and Jolene. Norman was almost a foster fail for us. I found it so hard letting him go. We would have kept him but my almost 10yr old cat didn't get along with him. It's for the best as he needs a young active family which is what he got. Love him to bits!”
Jolene’s Christmas Photo in her new home:
Gillian is on Instagram as @jilly_bean213, and has given permission for these posts to be shared. All responses are anonymous in order to protect privacy.
Join our Foster Forum for support, from wherever you are located, at any time of day! We’re all in this together, "#buildingafostercommunity
And don’t forget to listen to Why We Foster, a 5-part podcast (available on Apple, Spotify, Google, and wherever you get your podcasts) including entire episodes about the challenge of the “Goodbye".”
